The First Ingredient in Success….Learning to Deal with Failure.
From News for Swim Parents
Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association
5101 NW 21 Ave., Suite 200
Fort Lauderdale FL 33309
In the New York Times Magazine of October 2, is an article by Paul
Tough (yep, real name) called “The Character Test.” It’s about
Riverdale Country School, one of the elite private schools of NYC.
The article deals in depth with the failure of great grades and great
test scores to accurately predict success in highly competitive college
environments, even for the “very best” of the elite private school
graduates.
The Headmaster has concluded that the missing piece is….. character.
He said:
“Whether it’s the pioneer in the Conestoga wagon or someone coming here
in the 1920’s from southern Italy, there was this idea in America, that
if you worked hard and you showed real grit, you would be successful.
Strangely, we’ve now forgotten that.”
“People who have an easy time of it, who get 800’s on their SAT’s, I
worry that these people get feedback that everything they are doing is
great. I worry about that. I think we are actually setting
them up for long term failure. When that person has to face up to
a difficult moment, then I think they are screwed, to be honest. I
don’t think we’ve given them the opportunities to grow the capacity to
be able to handle that.”
A review of those who DID succeed in competitive colleges showed a real
prevalence of skills in specific areas: optimism, persistence and
social intelligence. They were the ones who were able to recover
from a bad grade and resolve to study and do better next time.
They were the ones who could bounce back from a fight with their
parents, recognize the nature of family (and friends) and re-secure
those relationships into balance, and those would could resist the urge
to go to the movies with friends and stay home and study instead.
They were the kids who could persuade teachers to give them help after
class.
“Our kids don’t put up with a lot of suffering,” says a Riverdale
teacher, “and when they do get uncomfortable, we tend to hear from their
parents. The parents miss the point that being uncomfortable is
what helps the child grow.”
Since swimming is simply a part of life education, the parallels are
obvious. No matter what part of life is involved, the ability to
deal effectively with failure and use the lessons provided to move you
closer to success is clear. Parents who spend time “protecting”
their children, do them a disservice, and actually disrespect the child
who is always stronger and more capable than we, as parents, think.
Everything we do for our children that they can do for themselves, makes
them weaker, not stronger. Seek adversity for your child.
Allow them the honor of struggling. It’s what made you successful.
If you remove the struggle, you remove their opportunities to get
stronger in life.
